my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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