this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
they need to just BURY HIM!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My butt remains clenched, sir.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
