Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
