I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
