I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
