butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
My liver just broke up with me...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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