Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize