I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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