Cold hands, warm shart.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
