Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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