I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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