birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
