my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
FUCK WHALES
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize