so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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