I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
