Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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