Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
