Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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