69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
