Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
