Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
