I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
