i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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