so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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