just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
