he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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