this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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