Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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