i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
