im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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