ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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