who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
