I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
