I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Randomize
