But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
