took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
