you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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