I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
