I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize