take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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