And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
