All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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