I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
