community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
