i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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