I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
