Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
