Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
