oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
