I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
