have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
