It's Friday. Sex?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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