I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
