i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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