Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
