Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
