Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
