this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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