happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
