Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
