I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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