I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize