fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
