I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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