My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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