I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
