just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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