I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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